Sweet Puppies

This past week has been crazy - both dogs have gone to the vet unexpectedly. 

Last Thursday night, Reggie had a seizure.  At first we didn't know what was going on, I thought he was going into a toxic shock from something he consumed.  So, we rushed him to the emergency vet clinic (in our pj's :-) and the vets there were great.  By the time we got to the clinic, he was a little freaked out but able to walk and obey simple commands.  We found out that at labs at Reggie's age can develop epilepsy.  So, we decided to wait until the morning to take him in for a full checkup at our regular vet.  Unfortunately, Dr. Patton couldn't do the blood work until today, but we were confident he was getting back to normal and we kept a close eye on him over the weekend.  By Sunday, Reggie was back to his normal happy sun loving self.

Then, yesterday, Dex started acting really weird.  We initially dismissed it, but by mid-day it was clear something was wrong.  He had problems with steps and refused to jump up on the sofa to snuggle.  I called my sister-in-law, Erin, the family vet to find out if we needed to rush him to the emergency clinic or if it could wait until the morning when our regular clinic opened.  We came to the conclusion that since he was still able to walk we could wait until the morning.

By the time we went to bed, it was clear he was getting worse.  We gave him lots of love and mimos and Reggie wouldn't leave his side (normally they don't sleep together).  We got him to the vet first thing this morning.  Apparently his vertebrate / discs are collapsing / slipping / fusing.  I am not exactly sure of the terminology.  He is staying overnight at the vet tonight and probably tomorrow night.  He has been given steroids shots to help heal the discs as well as painkillers to help manage the pain.  We'll know in the next 48 hours whether or not he'll need surgery. 

Reggie is quite upset that Dex didn't come home with him from the vet this afternoon.  He keeps wandering around the house looking for him. 

Hope

The last few weeks have been rough.  But I must say I am in a much better place now and ready for whatever the future holds.  I couldn't say that two weeks ago.

When we decided a month ago to not continue with the fertility treatments, it was initially a relief.  But then something happened and i fell into a deep pit of despair.  I felt like I felt when I returned to the US several years ago.  I couldn't go to church without completely falling apart.  I was a basket case during my bible study...especially the lesson about how much God loves us.  When Paul wanted to talk about adoption, I simply cut him off and told him I wasn't ready to talk about it.  You see, I had allowed my mind to be filled with lies.

Thoughts like "How can you call yourself a woman when you can't do the main thing that God designed you to do."  "Your family must be so disappointed."  "Your family won't love you if can't provide an heir."  and on and on and on.  The shame and accusation that I was allowing to permeate my thoughts held me in complete bondage.

Not able to make any progress I called Karin.  Karin is my therapist and an amazingly intelligent and insightful woman.  I have been seeing her since I was a teenager and she has helped me through so many different situations.  If you ever need a good therapist, call me.  She is amazing.

With Karin, I was thankfully able to process.

This actually all started the day that my brother called to tell me he and Erin were having sweet little Abby.  Then I found out that Christy was pregnant with Noah.  Hilary with Finn.  on and on...  I had similar thoughts that to me seemed insane.  So I just didn't think about them.  I said to myself, "That's crazy." and tried not to think about it. 

In retrospect, what I should have said was, "LIES!  THAT IS NOT TRUE!"  Somewhere along the way I allowed myself to believe the lie that because I have not gotten pregnant and had a child, that I am less of a woman, that my family is disappointed with me, and that God doesn't love me and is punishing me for my sins.  So month after month of trying to get pregnant became more about proving those accusations wrong than the desire to have to children.

The breakthrough came during a bible study lesson on Spiritual Warfare (I am taking part in a bible study program called "First Place for Health".  Click on the link if you'd like more info.)  The beginning of the lesson asked us to identify any strongholds at work in our life.  I initially scoffed at the idea that strongholds were at work in my life.  The list included things like depression (check), anger (check), insecurity (check), fear (check), shame (check).  I was shocked and relieved to discover that maybe I didn't have to live in this pit any longer.

Later in the lesson, I was lead to this verse from 1 Peter 5:

⁸ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. ¹⁰And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 

WOW!  What an amazing promise.  This was the truth I needed to replace the lies.  

Huntsville Utilities Update

Huntsville Utilities At 4 p.m., TVA dispatch requested Huntsville Utilities hold any additional electric load until further notice.
Huntsville Utilities urges customers to PLEASE practice conservation measures. These would include, but are not limited to:

Air Conditioning

Air Conditioning is a major drain on electricity. Please plan your use along the following:

• Turn the thermostat to between 78 to 80 degrees. The higher the better as far as energy used.
• Use of the air conditioner in the morning is less of a pull on the system.
• During the peak hours, between 3-7 p.m., please limit use of air conditioners and raise the thermostat.
Keep use of all unnecessary electronic appliances during the peak hours to a minimum.

Water

Please continue to conserve water.

Do not:
• Water your lawn
• Wash your car
• Use water recreationally.

We are requesting that home and business owners please turn off their lawn sprinkler systems. When their power is/was restored this was probably forgotten. This a major drain on the water system and unnecessary with rain in the forecast.
PLEASE NOTE: As more and more customers are restored there will be confusion as to why “my neighbor has power and I don’t.” Your neighbor may be on a different line or there may still be trouble somewhere along the line such as a downed tree or pole. Please be patient as we work through these system repairs. We will respond as soon as possible. You may report your outage to 256-535-1200 if you have not already done so.

Once again, Huntsville Utilities would like to thank it’s customers for their patience and understanding in this crisis situation. We are eager to restore power to all of our customers. We will continue to provide updates on the restoration effort as available.

The end of Part One

Part One of starting a family has come to its conclusion. After several years of dealing with infertility and over a year of different treatments that have taken their toll it is time to move on.

During church on Sunday we both got quite emotional and had to leave shortly after communion. As we walked to the car we both agreed that it just didn't make sense to invest more time and money in something that may never work. At the end of the day God is in charge, not the fertility specialist and we can align the stars over and over again, but ultimately God decides when life is created, not technology, not me, not Paul, only Him.

I am not sure exactly what happens next.

We are still coming to terms with our decision to end the fertility treatments. Month after month of waiting, hoping, praying, dreaming... Month after month i have cried for the child that we will never know.

I know with everything in me that God has a family for us...I just don't know exactly what that looks like. One thing is to get pregnant and start a family. The path is simple and set in motion from the moment of conception. With adoption there are so many paths with many different outcomes...I am confident that God will show us our path.

Abby's first birthday!

So last weekend, I made the long haul to Charlotte, NC to celebrate Abby's first birthday with Erin, Whit, mom and dad.  We had a blast!  Scroll down to see the pics of Abby's cake face - too cute!

Abby's First Birthday!

Chicken Soup

In my previous post I talked about chicken soup for the soul...well, here's my chicken stock recipe that fills the house with the most amazing smell and fills my heart with joy at the simple things in life.

This is a recipe I have been tweaking for the last couple of years and the results are fantastic.


Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Take the carcass of a chicken you have previously grilled, baked, boiled, whatever and put it into a stock pot. I keep the pasta insert in the stockpot so that I can easily separate the solids from the stock. I throw in whatever vegetables I have sitting around that need to get used...onion, garlic greens, peppers, carrots, anything goes.

I sometimes add a bottle of beer to this concoction, if I have one laying around.

Bake at 400 for about an hour.  This gives the stock a dark rich color and flavor.

After an hour, move the stockpot to the stove and fill with water. Bring the contents to a rolling boil and then simmer for another hour.

If you know that you will have use for the stock in the next week, remove the solids and store in the fridge. You'll be able to remove the fat easily once cooled. I have found though that this recipe just doesn't produce that much fat...most of it was removed in the initial cooking.

If you aren't so sure you'll be able to use it up, bring the stock back to a rolling boil and allow it to reduce to a thick syrupy consistency. I freeze them in an ice cube tray and pop them into recipes for an instant flavor boost with little or no extra fat and calories.

Enjoy!

I am thankful...

I have been silent for a while now because it seems that I am tearing up more and more lately, and I truly don't wish to distress anyone.  Yet, the desire for a family is on the forefront of my mind.  (I am sure the hormones and injections don't really help either!)  So I apologize if you have been on the receiving end of one of my come aparts :-)  Paul has gotten the brunt of most of them and he has been so so sweet. 

Yesterday morning I awoke to a sweet email from my dear sister-in-law with great words of encouragement and faith that I so needed to hear.  She pointed me to a friends blog and I read through her story with tears streaming down my face. (as a side note, her story is a chicken soup for the soul with a great ending, so if you need a heartwarming story, especially if you are struggling with infertility this is a great read...lotsofscotts.blogspot.com.)  What struck me most profoundly was her faith and the gentle reminder that God has a plan for my life and that He WILL fulfill the desires of my heart. 

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version, ©2011)

4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I am so thankful!