Visit from Hilary and Finn

My highschool friend Hilary came home for a visit with family and to introduce us to her little cutie, Finn. 


Dex just loves babies!



Hilary and Finn having a little chit chat!

Our Daily Bread

One of my favorite things is preparing a home cooked meal more or less from scratch.  My love of cooking began in college at the same time as my lifelong love affair with Spain.  I was amazed to discover that you could prepare a meal that didn't consist of pre-packaged ingredients.  That the taco seasoning packet was really just a mixture of chile powder, garlic and herbs.  Who knew?

I have known many incredible cooks in my life but there is one that taught me that a cookbook isn't a requirement.  Jose.  I lived with him and his wife, Monica for a few months when I first moved to Spain.  Jose's ability to pull together a gourmet meal from the contents of his fridge and the creativity of his mind simply amazed me.  I cherished the evenings after work when we would all congregate in the kitchen, sipping on a cerveza, chopping vegetables, making sofrito, and discussing the events of the day. Now, mind you, I barely spoke Spanish at this point, but because we were focused on the act of creating, I learned so much and we always figured out a way to understand each other despite not speaking each other's language.

To this day, one of the most sacred things to me is breaking bread with the ones I love.  There is an incredible intimacy and closeness that comes from sitting around the table, loving, laughing, and sharing.

Outside of Spain, I am not sure that I have ever had a decent piece of bread.  Pan de Lena spoiled me rotten all of those years in Spain.  You know, the kind that has a thick crusty outside and a warm soft inside. The kind that you scrape across the serving bowl to soak up the juices.  Yummmmm..... 

Since being home, I am more likely to serve white rice than bread.  I just can't pay the small fortune that a gourmet loaf of bread costs...not to mention I would have to drive across town to find such a thing.  Why this new found obsession with bread?  I recently became the owner of a mini bread maker.  I thought I'd try it out.  The loaves only come out about 5" wide and 4" high.  Perfect for two :-)  I honestly wasn't expecting much, but that first loaf of bread that I baked was a slice of heaven and brought back all the memories of  breaking bread in Spain.

So tonight, in honor of my love of Spain, I wanted to create a meal centered around a fresh loaf of bread.  (Admittedly, this sounds so odd after being back in the US and the anti-carb craze era we live in.)  In my defense for those terrified of the carbs, the bread is made from organic whole wheat flour.  To accompany the bread there will be a simple grilled mahi mahi fillet with a garlic chips and a vinaigrette and steamed cauliflower garnished with paprika.  oh so simple, but incredible.

Not much going on...

There really hasn't been much going on lately...well, at least nothing terribly light hearted, which is what I wanted this blog to be all about.

I had a doctor's appointment mid-august with follow-up tests/ultrasound that confirmed that I have PCOS and I am definitely not ovulating.  My thyroid is also out of whack and although I have been on medication for a while, the dosage is off.  Thankfully, I am seeing a new doctor who has taken my concerns more seriously.  Unfortunately, she thinks that trying Clomid for 6 months is the way to go.  I start the treatment today.

So, if I go off the deep end, just remind me it's the hormones. 

You see, I did a round of Clomid around Christmas last year and it really sent me into a downward spiral.  There was a lot going on at the time...Paul had just moved offices and his company had to change their name, we were knee deep in the renovation, a round of layoffs at work left me reeling, and just about everyone but me was pregnant.  Couple that with a history of depression with the Clomid and the results were not pretty.  Eventually, I realized what was going on and was able to get help.  Needless to say, I didn't continue with the Clomid and have not had a baby.  I wanted to wait until I was more stable and able to handle things in a constructive way, the complex emotions that seem to come with infertility.

I was bound and determined that this would not affect my friendships, my relationship with my niece and nephew, my marriage. But, it was.  so salvaging my life (and sanity) became way more important than getting pregnant.

Fast forward...

A few things have changed since the spring when I found myself in the pit of depression.  The most important of which is my outlook on life.  Praise God!  And the Zoloft helps too :-)  Paul's work is going really well and we are really excited about the upcoming year.  I love being an Aunt to all the new babies in my life.  I am enjoying work.  And the renovation is well behind us and we love our new house.  So now it's time to seriously pursue a family. 

I am so thankful for the peace that God has given me about this.  I am open to whatever His plans may be, and I know they are good plans and better than anything I could ever design for myself.  One day a while back, when I was angry at God because I had not gotten pregnant, He so gently reminded me of a time when my life fell apart and my worst nightmare became an all too painful reality.  With hindsight, i now know that God's plans for me were good, very good.  better than anything i could have dreamed up for myself.  He truly gave me the desire of my heart in my marriage to Paul...a marriage that is centered on Christ, a ministry and calling for us both.

This struggle with wanting a baby is no different.  I won't even try to guess what the future holds for Paul and I on this front...I just know that when the time is right everything will fall into place...whether it's a pregnancy, adoption, or being satisfied with being Aunt Becky and Uncle Paul.

Grammy and Noah having a little chat chat on vacation :-)

Grammy

Grammy was MUCH better today. this morning, when the physical therapist came in to exercise her arms and legs, she was able to actually say "yes" when asked questions.  immediately, i started texting the whole family, THRILLED that she had regained her ability to speak.  she even knew that she was in a "hospital" ... even if she thought she was at St. Vincent's in massachusetts. 

She didn't really like the PT but got through it.  Afterwards, she was very awake and able to communicate with all of us...and her smile when she recognized her family and those that loved her was so beautiful. it was great to see her make such incredible progress.

christy and i hung out with baby noah and grammy loving on both of them.  for me, it was so precious when she woke up for just a few seconds this afternoon and looked for something familiar and smiled at me.


the results from the ct scan came back and she didn't have a stroke. she has been having seizures caused by scar tissue from the previous strokes. this is something that can be treated with medication and does not cause further brain damage. once they get the seizures under control she should be able to get back to her spunky self :-) they have been monitoring her brainwaves all day since they determined that she was having seizures and not a stroke. 

they were able to give her something to help her relax as well as start the medication to try and stop the seizures. she has pretty much been asleep since lunchtime. the doctor tonight said that her brain activity is now normal. i can't wait to see her progress tomorrow.  she loves to wake up to her loved ones smiling at her. 
 
melinda, her oldest grandson's fiance, has pics of her with baby noah...i'll post them as soon as i can get them.
 
again, thank you to everyone who has reached out to me.  this is unchartered territory for me and i cannot tell you how much the love and support of everyone means to me.

Memories

My husband's grammy went into the hospital today.  They think she had a massive stroke.  Hopefully we'll know more in the next few days.

One thing that is so precious is that we got to spend a great vacation with her up at Lake Lure in North Carolina.  We were all there ... her son and his wife, her grandchildren and their spouses and even her great grandchildren.  It was a great trip and she seemed to enjoy having family around her.  Especially Noah. 

Lee told us that when they got home last night, he was putting her to bed and they were talking about how great the time at the lake was and she picked up her picture of Baby Noah and kissed it.  Then she said quietly, "I don't want to lose him."

Lee shared this story with me tonight and i just had to get it recorded.

questions...

i have some questions...and would love to hear any thoughts or encouragement on this subject. if email works better that's great... rebelyb@gmail.com  so, when someone has had a stroke and is unable to recognize anyone around them or speak or swallow or anything...can they hear you? do they want loved ones around them? does it help to talk to them and hold their hand? what is the proper way to care and love for someone in this state? my husband's grandmother has just gone into the hospital and this is completely unchartered territory for me. it breaks my heart to think of her alone but don't want to do anything that would make her more uncomfortable or that she wouldn't want or even anything that my husband's family wouldn't want. if it were me, i think i would want my loved ones around me talking to me and encouraging me to get well. but, who knows ...thoughts?