I am thankful...

I have been silent for a while now because it seems that I am tearing up more and more lately, and I truly don't wish to distress anyone.  Yet, the desire for a family is on the forefront of my mind.  (I am sure the hormones and injections don't really help either!)  So I apologize if you have been on the receiving end of one of my come aparts :-)  Paul has gotten the brunt of most of them and he has been so so sweet. 

Yesterday morning I awoke to a sweet email from my dear sister-in-law with great words of encouragement and faith that I so needed to hear.  She pointed me to a friends blog and I read through her story with tears streaming down my face. (as a side note, her story is a chicken soup for the soul with a great ending, so if you need a heartwarming story, especially if you are struggling with infertility this is a great read...lotsofscotts.blogspot.com.)  What struck me most profoundly was her faith and the gentle reminder that God has a plan for my life and that He WILL fulfill the desires of my heart. 

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version, ©2011)

4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I am so thankful!

Today's Project: Window Boxes for the living room!

Round Two update

The short story is that round two was not successful. No big reason why, other than these things take a few tries. In hindsight it was a little silly to expect it to work immediately. I guess having been trying for so long now that my patience is running thin. For the next couple of cycles we are going to continue with the femera/metformin drugs with timed intercourse. Dr Harper seems to think that I am doing great and should keep trying. The hardest part about this is not letting it completely overtake the rest of my life. And as much as I wish that I could remain aloof to it all, that just isn't realistic. So, please don't be offended when I can't make it to the party, forget to call, or simply spend the day nesting at home ignoring phone calls. Its nothing personal. I promise.

TWW

Well, its been two weeks (almost). EPT this morning came back negative...but until i start my period that really doesn't mean much. In the meantime, i have been nauseaus, exhausted, dizzy, and craving mac and cheese like nobodies business. I am going to feel pretty stupid if its all in my head! The emotional strain is exhausting. If i am not in fact pregnant it is so tempting to call it quits and head straight to DHR :-)

As the waiting game continues...Spring has sprung in Huntsville!

The daffodils are almost all gone, but they start peaking through the ground at the end of February and are a great reminder that Spring is near (as well as the end of tax season :-)

Granny B's daylilies look fantastic...just a few short weeks ago, this bed looked like a pile of dead leaves :-)  They should be spectacular this year!

I planted pansies in the fall and due to the harsh winter, i really didn't think they would make it!  However, they look spectacular right now!

Todays project:  get some plants into this front bed.  I have been weeding it for a year now, but it doesn't have anything in it!  I plan to take some of Granny B's garden phlox that is behind the cherry tree and put them out here to see if they do better.

This is either a lemon or lime tree.  I rarely put tags in my plants and then I forget what in the world I planted!  It smells amazing and can't wait to get it outdoors so it can really take off!

Peachtree is in full bloom.  I am going to call a tree service this week to care for it through the harvest!

Pimientos de Padron (little peppers from Spain - most of these will go to friends since I don't have any vegetable garden sun after the additon...let me know if you want one!)

Since I cannot do veggies in my yard anymore, I have turned to flowers!  My grow light is great therapy during the cold winter months, allowing me to get my garden started!

Update

Round one was not successful.  While I did ovulate according to the blood work, the vaginal ultrasound showed multiple follicles that had not released an egg (typical for PCOS).  As my ob/gyn so eloquently put it...my ovaries look like chocolate chip cookes.

So, this cycle, Dr. Harper wants to do IUI (feel free to google this procedure if you aren't familiar with it, I have yet to be able to describe it in a ladylike way). That said, it's about the most unromantic way to get pregnant, but  I am so glad he is being aggressive about this.  This procedure is about as high tech as we want to go...this process has been very taxing and I am done in June. 

We'll know the results in two weeks!

- Rebecca

Fresh Bread

Sorry I haven't posted for a while...I seem to get determined to tell a story and until it comes to some sort of conclusion, I don't really want to talk about anything else!

So, you all know my obsession with fresh bread.  And how much I miss "pan de lena" from Spain.  It's actually nothing like the bread we have here, not even close to the "french baguette" you can find in the grocery store..."pan de lena" (i think it literally translates to bread of wood...wood burning fire that is)

So, my beloved, knowing my obsession with bread AND my obsession with cooking from scratch, heard about this great book on NPR one morning called "The Lost Art of Real Cooking" by Ken Albala and Rosanna Nafziger.  Paul told me about how this show talked about "catching" yeast by setting out flour and water on the countertop for a while.  (really???)  I thought this was a little odd.  I mean, who ever heard such a thing?

But, he kept talking about making "Alabama Bread" and a few months later I found myself on Amazon purchasing the book. 

So, a few weeks ago, I got started "catching" yeast.  Literally, all I did was lay a bowl with some water and flour (i used rye flour) for a day, only covered with one of those mesh plate covers you see in the summer time to cover picnic food.  I was horrified that other "bichos" (look that up in your spanish dictionary :-)  might find their way into my flour and water. 

This stage is kind of gross and smelly.  But you can tell that the yeast has found its way to the slurry by the pockets of air created in the mixture. 

The next day, I covered the bowl with a kitchen towel AND the wire mesh dome. Every day, I add flour and water. A week after I started this whole adventure, I made my first loaf of bread.

it's working!

and then it collapsed!

once baked, it could really have hurt someone!  But, persistance is key and I kept adding flour and water to the starter each day and kept on making bread each night. The next few times flopped, in a similar way to that first night, then...this loaf came out. Amazing. We are getting close!

And then a few days later THIS loaf came out, and while it might look like a deflated "french baguette" it is actually the same shape as my beloved "pan de lena"!  I heated up some marinara with parmesan and sliced up this loaf for an appetizer.

Then a few days ago,  i found a recipe for indian flat bread and decided to give it a shot....amazing. 

Curiously enough I decided to look up the bread recipe in my spanish recipe book that I have been using for over 15 years now and the recipe is amazingly similar to the one in "The Lost Art of Real Cooking", only they tell you to go to a local bakery and ask for "mother bread" (instead of yeast).  I think I will have this "mother bread" on my counter from here on out. I am now obsessed with my bowl of local yeast and check on it several times a day to make sure it is doing well...

I think my "mother bread" needs a name...any ideas?

Update

Several months ago, I saw an endocrinologist.  He warned me not to get pregnant if there was any question as to my thyroid levels.  This was a shock as my ob/gyn did not seem to care.  I was tested and found out that my meds still needed adjusting and warned again to not get pregnant.  It was also determined that I have Hashimoto's disease, where my immune system attacks my thyroid.  This is the underlying cause to the thyroid dysfunciton.  There isn't much you can do about that, other than treat the thyroid.  We have adjusted my medication and my levels are starting to approach normal, and as a result I am HOT all of the time.  My body temperature has completely changed!  Very interesting.

In the meantime, I decided to go ahead and see a fertility specialist. I wasn't scheduled to see him until March, but there was a cancellation this week due to the weather and when they called yesterday to see if I could come in I knew I had to be there.

His name is Dr. Andrew Harper and he comes highly recommended from several different sources, especiallly from a friend who has successfully achieved pregnancy in his care.  He spent about an hour going over things with both Paul and myself.  Poor Paul, he had to sit through this long discussion of PCOS, Thyroid dysfunction, cycles, ovulation, insulin resistance, and on and on.  I knew what Dr. Harper was talking about - i have been reading up on this stuff for several years now.  But I think Paul was lost.  It was so incredible to FINALLY be talking to a specialist who knew what I was talking about and not just throwing pat answers around.

We are going to try a few different things and i'll be monitored very closely to determine what exactly is going wrong so that we can get me ovulating.  He seems confident that it is a simple ovulation issue and believes that within a few cycles we should have some success!

On the flip side, we will begin pursuing adoption this summer if I am not pregnant by then.  I have started getting the word out about this so that in the event someone knows someone who is looking for adoptive parents for their child, we might be considered.  I am also meeting informally with someone about adoption tomorrow afternoon to get more information about the process and what all is involved.

Should be an interesting year ahead!  I can't wait to see what God has planned for our family!